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                                                                                                                            Esther Andrews

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     NLP - a Useful Tool 

     It all begins with values. Have you ever written down what values you would like to instill in your child?  This is a very important thing to do! I am sure that you have an idea of what your values are, but do you know exactly what values are important to you to pass on to your child? Whether you are aware of it or not, you affect your child's values. If you actually take the time to sit down and think about it, discuss it with your life partner, write it down, you will be much more aware of what values you instill in your child. 

     Values determine how your child's life will unfold! Make sure you talk with your child about the things that are important to him. If possible, make your child write down his main values. "What is important to you?" is the question to ask. Have him think about his values in terms of what skills he would like to acquire, what achievements he would like to have, and relationships (yes, children of all ages have relationships). 

     Discussing these with your child will strengthen the bond you have with your child and will also help your child set goals and reach them. Many parents take very good care of their children and make sure to provide for their children all their needs, but don't discuss these important subjects with them. 

     Limiting beliefs develop throughout our lives. Some of our most significant limiting beliefs are set at childhood. Sometimes even as early as age 3 or 4. How does it happen? A traumatic event happens in your child's life. As a result, the child makes a decision that creates a limiting belief. It could be something that happened at home, it could be something that happened with friends. A child answered a wrong answer at school, and the classmates laughed at him. The child is embarrassed, and decides: "I am never going to talk in front of a crowd again". The decision behind it is: "I am not good enough". A decision like this can affect your child's life for many years to come! 

     In another seminar, participants had the opportunity to find their limiting beliefs and state them in front of the audience. I was surprised to find out how many of the participants had the belief that they are "not good enough". 

     You can't prevent this normal, natural process from happening to your child. Your child is learning about the world and his environment, and this process is just a healthy part of it. We are all built this way, to protect ourselves and survive. But you can talk with your child and discuss limiting beliefs. You can look for them yourself, and discuss them with your child, or you can ask your child to observe and detect his own limiting beliefs. A good action to take when you discover a limiting belief is to create an affirmation that eliminates the belief. Repeat it to your child or have your child repeat the affirmation for a few days. 

     Self talk is one of the things that affect our lives and determines our results. Teach your child to be aware of his self talk. To gain control of his self talk. Teach him to empower himself, and to believe in himself. Many of us can hear our parents talk in our mind, even though our parents are long gone. If we had a critical parent, we can hear them criticizing us in our mind's ear. Instead of criticizing, we can empower and encourage, so that our children will hear our encouragement and empowerment in their mind's ears. So that they can develop an empowering self talk. 

     A very widely used tool in NLP is modeling. Find a person that has already achieved and succeeded in the same area that you would like to succeed in. Study that person. The skills he has, the qualities he has, the reason for his success. Then acquire these skills, the qualities that contributed to his success. Imagine what kind of a person would achieve the goal I have? How can I become as accomplished as this person? 

     Discuss your child's goals. Help him find a "role model" that has already succeeded. Make sure it is one you would approve of. Help him study this person, research the skills he needs to acquire. Help your child find the training he needs. Aid in this process. 

     Persistence - all of us adults know how important persistence is for our success. Children are not naturally aware of it. Often children simply give up if they don't get enough encouragement, or if they encounter obstacles. My children always expected that success will come very easily. They would set high goals, but with the first obstacle simply gave up. Talk with your child about the importance of persistence. Obstacles are to be expected if a high goal was set. Teach him that it is Ok to fail. Failure is just an opportunity to learn a lesson. Explain to your child that an airplane never has a perfect course. The navigator monitors the progress, and makes a series of corrections to the course, in order to bring the plane to it's destination. Failure is just a correction in the course of flight. Obstacles should not stop him from achieving his goals. 

     Consistent motivation: When you ask your child: "why is this important to you"? When you discuss his goals, and examine the answers, watch for negative answers, like "because I don't want to...". For example: "I want money because I don't want to be poor" or " I want to have a lot of friends because I don't want to be lonely". Negative reasons for a goal cause inconsistent results. As soon as the negative condition has been achieved, the child loses his motivation, and stops trying. When you work with your child on goal setting, make sure the goal is stated in a concise and clear way, and that it is realistic. Ask your child "when will you know that your goal is achieved?". Help him develop a scene that he can visualize, that will motivate him. For example, for a high school student who sets as a goal to get accepted to the college of his dreams, that scene could be him holding the acceptance letter in his hands. Visualizing this scene will motivate him to put in the effort needed to meet the acceptance criteria for that specific college. This will help him create consistency in his effort.

     NLP can be used for children of all ages. You can benefit from it too.    

      Don't forget to check our Resources page and our Articles page, for new and updated content. I constantly add new resources and articles to the site. 

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To your success!

Esther Andrews 

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Disclaimer: Every effort has been made to accurately represent this information. We do not warrant or assume any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or results of any information, apparatus, product, or process disclosed. Any claims of actual results and examples used are not intended to represent or guarantee that anyone will achieve the same or similar results.                         
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