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NLP - a Useful Tool
begins with values. Have you ever written down what values you would like
to instill in your child? This is a very important thing to do! I am
sure that you have an idea of what your values are, but do you know
exactly what values are important to you to pass on to your child? Whether
you are aware of it or not, you affect your child's values. If you
actually take the time to sit down and think about it, discuss it with
your life partner, write it down, you will be much more aware of what
values you instill in your child.
Values determine how your child's life
will unfold! Make sure you talk with your child about the things that are
important to him. If possible, make your child write down his main values.
"What is important to you?" is the question to ask. Have him
think about his values in terms of what skills he would like to acquire,
what achievements he would like to have, and relationships (yes, children
of all ages have relationships).
Discussing these with your child will
strengthen the bond you have with your child and will also help your child
set goals and reach them. Many parents take very good care of their
children and make sure to provide for their children all their needs, but
don't discuss these important subjects with them.
Limiting beliefs develop throughout our
lives. Some of our most significant limiting beliefs are set at childhood.
Sometimes even as early as age 3 or 4. How does it happen? A traumatic
event happens in your child's life. As a result, the child makes a
decision that creates a limiting belief. It could be something that
happened at home, it could be something that happened with friends. A
child answered a wrong answer at school, and the classmates laughed at
him. The child is embarrassed, and decides: "I am never going to talk
in front of a crowd again". The decision behind it is: "I am not
good enough". A decision like this can affect your child's life for
many years to come!
In another seminar, participants had the
opportunity to find their limiting beliefs and state them in front of the
audience. I was surprised to find out how many of the participants had the
belief that they are "not good enough".
You can't prevent this normal, natural process
from happening to your child. Your child is learning about the world and
his environment, and this process is just a healthy part of it. We are all
built this way, to protect ourselves and survive. But you
can talk with your child and discuss limiting beliefs. You can look for
them yourself, and discuss them with your child, or you can ask your child
to observe and detect his own limiting beliefs. A good action to take when
you discover a limiting belief is to create an affirmation that eliminates
the belief. Repeat it to your child or have your child repeat the
affirmation for a few days.
Self talk is one of the things that
affect our lives and determines our results. Teach your child to be aware
of his self talk. To gain control of his self talk. Teach him to empower
himself, and to believe in himself. Many of us can hear our parents talk
in our mind, even though our parents are long gone. If we had a critical
parent, we can hear them criticizing us in our mind's ear. Instead of
criticizing, we can empower and encourage, so that our children will hear
our encouragement and empowerment in their mind's ears. So that they can
develop an empowering self talk.
A very widely used tool in NLP is modeling.
Find a person that has already achieved and succeeded in the same area
that you would like to succeed in. Study that person. The skills he has,
the qualities he has, the reason for his success. Then acquire these
skills, the qualities that contributed to his success. Imagine what kind
of a person would achieve the goal I have? How can I become as
accomplished as this
Discuss your child's goals. Help him find a
"role model" that has already succeeded. Make sure it is one you
would approve of. Help him study this person, research the skills he needs
to acquire. Help your child find the training he needs. Aid in this
Persistence - all of us adults know how
important persistence is for our success. Children are not naturally aware
of it. Often children simply give up if they don't get enough
encouragement, or if they encounter obstacles. My children always expected
that success will come very easily. They would set high goals, but with
the first obstacle simply gave up. Talk with your child about the
importance of persistence. Obstacles are to be expected if a high goal was
set. Teach him that it is Ok to fail. Failure is just an opportunity to
learn a lesson. Explain to your child that an airplane never has a perfect
course. The navigator monitors the progress, and makes a series of
corrections to the course, in order to bring the plane to it's
destination. Failure is just a correction in the course of flight.
Obstacles should not stop him from achieving his goals.
Consistent motivation: When you ask
your child: "why is this important to you"? When you discuss his
goals, and examine the answers, watch for negative answers, like
"because I don't want to...". For example: "I want money
because I don't want to be poor" or " I want to have a lot of
friends because I don't want to be lonely". Negative reasons for a
goal cause inconsistent results. As soon as the negative condition has
been achieved, the child loses his motivation, and stops trying. When you
work with your child on goal setting, make sure the goal is stated in a
concise and clear way, and that it is realistic. Ask your child "when
will you know that your goal is achieved?". Help him develop a scene
that he can visualize, that will motivate him. For example, for a high
school student who sets as a goal to get accepted to the college of his
dreams, that scene could be him holding the acceptance letter in his
hands. Visualizing this scene will motivate him to put in the effort
needed to meet the acceptance criteria for that specific college. This
will help him create consistency in his effort.
NLP can be used for children of all ages. You
can benefit from it too.
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